Mothers Day...mixed emotions
My days used to be ebenflow. Waking up and taking on a new day was adventurous to me. The thought of a whole month or week or certain day was not ever lurking in the back of my mind. Unless of course I had something exciting planned. I looked forward to those days.
But I get it now. I get the feeling of dread and emotional turmoil when certain days trigger a void that leaves you weak and vulnerable. The pain that filled my heart 3 years ago when I lost my sweet Momma can't be erased or faded. The countless amazing memories bring joy and tears of happiness, but the reminder that comes on these days whispers something else; she's not here.
One of those days it screams loud and clear is Mother's Day. Year after Year.
"Don't you have kids?" Some might ask. "Celebrate the gift of them." Yes, I am in no way wanting to diminish the blessing of getting the privilege to be a mom. I pray for God's grace on these hard days and take in as much of their little selves I can. Taking them for granted would be a complete loss on my part. I love how they get excited to make me little hand print gifts and sweet bookmarks. I love how they cannot wait another second for me to open it and see what their hands created. I also love that this day was made to celebrate mothers and the sacrifice, love, and precious time they give. But all of these glorious facts can't undo my heartache for my sweet Momma.
Reminders...They can be tricky in a world of grief. Reminders of loss, pain, sadness, loneliness, and longing can leave us tangled in a web we never wanted to be in. I recognize there are others being reminded of hurt this Mother's Day too. What is it for you? Are you a widower who misses the mother of your children, a wife who continues in the agony of miscarriages and infertility, a daughter or son that lost your mom as a child, a single woman who longs for a family, a child with a broken relationship with your mother, a mother who's had to say goodbye too soon to her daughter, a product of abuse from your mom, a mother who has had their children legally taken away, or a mom who's experienced an abortion? The list can go on and on. For us who feel pain on this day, acknowledging it is our first step.
What can be just as damaging as the hurt that surfaces on certain days is the idea that we place in our minds that we are alone. I am choosing to believe there are others who are smiling through the tears today too. I am fighting to remember my sweet Momma and be thankful for the very special years I had with her rather than the ones I won't have. I am desperately clinging to the truth of knowing a God who gives us life forever with Him and those we long to be with again. I am praying for those around me who struggle to get through this day unscathed. I am acknowledging my needs to not go to places that could trigger deep grief and only pour salt in the wound that may scab over but never really heal.
For those who have yet to experience pain associated with this day or any other day, be mindful of those around you. Be a friend who listens before granting advice and sits beside the hurting before wanting change to happen. Remember to be grateful for each moment you have with your mom. And please, don't just assume that those you see today are fine inside. Tell, show, and acknowledge your love for them. The hurting are all among us and within us.
Philippians 4:14
It was good of you to share in my troubles.
Proverbs 14:13
Even in laughter the heart may ache and the end of joy may be grief.
But I get it now. I get the feeling of dread and emotional turmoil when certain days trigger a void that leaves you weak and vulnerable. The pain that filled my heart 3 years ago when I lost my sweet Momma can't be erased or faded. The countless amazing memories bring joy and tears of happiness, but the reminder that comes on these days whispers something else; she's not here.
One of those days it screams loud and clear is Mother's Day. Year after Year.
"Don't you have kids?" Some might ask. "Celebrate the gift of them." Yes, I am in no way wanting to diminish the blessing of getting the privilege to be a mom. I pray for God's grace on these hard days and take in as much of their little selves I can. Taking them for granted would be a complete loss on my part. I love how they get excited to make me little hand print gifts and sweet bookmarks. I love how they cannot wait another second for me to open it and see what their hands created. I also love that this day was made to celebrate mothers and the sacrifice, love, and precious time they give. But all of these glorious facts can't undo my heartache for my sweet Momma.
Reminders...They can be tricky in a world of grief. Reminders of loss, pain, sadness, loneliness, and longing can leave us tangled in a web we never wanted to be in. I recognize there are others being reminded of hurt this Mother's Day too. What is it for you? Are you a widower who misses the mother of your children, a wife who continues in the agony of miscarriages and infertility, a daughter or son that lost your mom as a child, a single woman who longs for a family, a child with a broken relationship with your mother, a mother who's had to say goodbye too soon to her daughter, a product of abuse from your mom, a mother who has had their children legally taken away, or a mom who's experienced an abortion? The list can go on and on. For us who feel pain on this day, acknowledging it is our first step.
What can be just as damaging as the hurt that surfaces on certain days is the idea that we place in our minds that we are alone. I am choosing to believe there are others who are smiling through the tears today too. I am fighting to remember my sweet Momma and be thankful for the very special years I had with her rather than the ones I won't have. I am desperately clinging to the truth of knowing a God who gives us life forever with Him and those we long to be with again. I am praying for those around me who struggle to get through this day unscathed. I am acknowledging my needs to not go to places that could trigger deep grief and only pour salt in the wound that may scab over but never really heal.
For those who have yet to experience pain associated with this day or any other day, be mindful of those around you. Be a friend who listens before granting advice and sits beside the hurting before wanting change to happen. Remember to be grateful for each moment you have with your mom. And please, don't just assume that those you see today are fine inside. Tell, show, and acknowledge your love for them. The hurting are all among us and within us.
Philippians 4:14
It was good of you to share in my troubles.
Proverbs 14:13
Even in laughter the heart may ache and the end of joy may be grief.
This is beautiful Linds.....your mama was a very special person to so many people. I often pray for your broken heart......
ReplyDelete